I love the Food Network. I mean, I really love it. Without a doubt, it is my favorite channel and I can turn it on at just about any time of day and be mesmerized for hours.
Paula, Bobby, Ina and the rest of the gang are some of my dearest friends, they just don't know it. Many a time, I will be telling Matt what he believes to be a boring teacher story and he will interrupt to say, "Wait a minute, is this a Food Network story?" Then, I've lost him completely. He ranks Food Network stories lower than teacher stories.
When Matt and I were newlyweds, I was a recent graduate and didn't have a job yet and to be perfectly honest, most of my "job hunting" entailed emailing out resumes while watching Food Network and Dr. Phil. I would spend hours watching my favorites whip up different recipes, then in the afternoons (after Dr. Phil) I would go to the grocery store and buy all the ingredients to make a fabulous dinner. It was impulsive and madcap and we had never eaten better. But, it couldn't last. Matt finally set me down and highly "encouraged" me to get a job. He was gaining weight from all the rich, luxurious food and more importantly, he was sick and tired of being psychoanalyzed by his wife based on what she had learned from that day's episode of Dr. Phil (who he strongly believes might have earned his doctorate online or from a third world country).
Now fast forward six years. I still love to cook, but the quality of my culinary endeavors has been on the decline. On paper, it makes no sense. Based on the countless hours of avid Food Network viewership, I have amassed enough knowledge to earn an honorary degree from Le Cordon Bleu. In fact, I even say the word culinary like a professional. "Cool-in-ary" It all just falls apart in the practicum and I know exactly why, my children have stricken me with a severe form of ADD. I cannot finish a grocery list, let alone an entire meal without 20 distractions.
When Matt is home during dinner prep time, he is in charge of keeping the natives entertained, namely Hudson. This sometimes works. This week, for example, Matt and Hud were hanging out in the playroom while Connor was drawing on the back porch with sidewalk chalk. All was good. After a few minutes though, Connor started coming in and asking Matt to help him with something outside. Matt agreed and all three boys went out back to trace a chalk outline of Kenny. (??) While his Daddy was distracted, little man decided to sneak back into the house and had taken all the knobs off my stove and hid them in the pantry while my back was turned unloading the dishwasher. It took me 15 minutes to find those stupid knobs because he is an exceptionally good hider. It amazed me that in that short amount of time my sons could turn the back porch into a crime scene and render my stove useless. When Matt isn't home to be a buffer, things are so much worse. I am so distracted, it is a miracle we eat at all. One evening, I made a homemade apple pie from scratch, it came out of the oven looking delicious. We were so giddy with excitement that we danced around the kitchen while Hudson yelled, "Eaaattt!" Our bubble of happiness was quickly deflated, however, when we discovered I had left out one essential ingredient, sugar. That little slip up is enough to make a Barefoot Contessa throw on her shoes and head home.
So, I am just going to keep watching the Food Network, after all they are certainly not to blame. I will be anxiously awaiting the day when my mommy ADD wears off, I just pray that it isn't permanent. On a good note, my crock pot is really earning it's keep, at least when I remember to turn it on.
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