What's happening with the Hill family!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Narcoleptic Burglar

I am flat out exhausted these days. I can trace the cause of my tiredness to several things including having two small kids, TAKS time at school and a sick little one. Oh, and the tiny fact that my four year old snores like a 65 year old man with severe sleep apnea.

This is not a new problem, but it is getting worse. Connor has always been a loud, mouth breather when he sleeps, constantly snuffling and grunting accompanied by some light snoring. We were all pretty used to it and it sure as heck wasn't bothering him. But I would say over the last few months that the decibel level has increased dramatically, and although our bedrooms are not that far apart, we can still hear him as plain as day through two bedroom doors and down a hallway.

A couple of nights ago it finally woke his dad up. I had been laying there awake for a few minutes listening when my dear husband, who is not known for being especially coherent when awakened from his nightly coma, jumped out of bed and announced frantically, "There's someone in the house! Melissa, there is a man in our house!" He started to tear through our closet for his home defense weapon of choice, a fake samurai sword purchased off eBay in 1999 during an unfortunately nerdy Japanese phase of life. This is a sword whose blade is so dull that the only way it could harm someone is if he bludgeoned them to death with it and they would have to be standing very still for that to happen. Let me just add something here, totally off topic, in defense of Matt's ridiculous faux sword, since I know he is reading this and I don't want to seem like an unsupportive wife. That sword has tasted blood, People, it has experienced violence. It was once used to kill a tiny snake that made the mistake of wandering into our laundry room. Granted, Matt and I both were perched on top of our washing machine totally scared while he killed it with the sword (it was also possibly already dead), but the point is that the sword has been brandished. Anyway, back to our "home invasion". I interrupted Matt's search for the sword (which is locked in the garage by the way) to let him know that the noise he was hearing wasn't coming from an apparently narcoleptic burglar, but from our son. It is just that loud.

We asked the doctor when Connor was about two what he thought the problem was. After looking down his throat and up his nose he declared that his nasal passages were just small and he would grow out of it. Well, I am not buying that. How can a kid who is the size of a six year old only have one tiny part of his body that is growing at a delayed rate and why is that tiny part responsible for such a gigantically annoying noise? I'm taking him back in and this time I want some definitive answers, barring that I am expecting some kind of prescription that will knock me out so that I no longer care. That seems reasonable and I don't even have a medical degree.

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