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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Fairy Farce

Hudson had a really bad day yesterday.  One of his worst.  He had to have a baby tooth pulled and it was highly traumatic for both of us.  But to be fair, mostly him.  In a sad attempt to lessen the trauma, I really played up his first visit from the tooth fairy.  It was going to be awesome, magical and full of whimsy!  To be honest, considering how imaginative my boys are, they rarely buy into Mom-inspired whimsy.  They prefer to come up with their own ridiculousness and normally that is totally fine with me.  But on this day, I really felt like Hudson needed a little tooth fairy in his life.  You see, Connor tolerates the tooth fairy about as much as he tolerates santa claus. He hasn't openly admitted it, but I can tell from the thinly veiled look of disdain in his eyes, that he has known pretty much from birth that none of that crap is real and he plays along strictly to humor me.  But Hudson is my baby and he is about to turn five entire years old.  I really needed this.

All afternoon we talked about this wonderful visit and how magical it would all be.  He peppered me with questions that I obviously did not have adequate answers to because they just kept coming.  How does she get into the house?  Is she big size or tiny size?  What color is her wand?  Does she wear a long beautiful dress or a short beautiful dress?  In the spirit of whimsy, I made up a bunch of stuff and tried to pressure him into going to sleep.  But he just wasn't having it.  He wasn't buying my magical tale of fairy intrigue and point blank told me he didn't think the tooth fairy is real.  WHAT?!?!  After all my elaborate detail and sensory rich description?  Lying in bed with my youngest son, I was left with little choice, so naturally I just straight up lied to him.  And before I even repeat the lie, let me please make this disclaimer: as parents, we really try to use lying to our children very judiciously and only for matters that we consider dire and of immediate detriment to their safety.  For example, classics such as, "Don't forget, the McDonald's playground is closed on Mondays" or "Only kids 12 and over can get into Six Flags," might have made an appearance in our house. *As another disclaimer, Matt would like me to say that he never said nor participated in either of the previous statements.*  Anyway, back to the tooth fairy debacle, I decided in that instant to either put up or shut up, so I just said the first thing that came to mind, "Hudson Hill,  the tooth fairy is real and I can prove it!  When she comes tonight I am going to take her picture!"  It might also be important to note that at this point, Matt rolled over, turned out the light and said, "Good grief, Melissa.  I'm out."  Fine.  I didn't need him to manufacture a magical childhood memory.

After Hudson finally fell asleep, I got busy.  I took his picture, borrowed ten bucks out of Connor's money drawer (don't worry I'll pay him back and yes I know ten bucks is ridiculous but it was very late and I was officially way into go big or go home territory) and made the tooth for money switch.  Then the real work began.  I found the perfect picture of a fairy online (FYI, googling real women dressed as fairies resulted in some highly questionable, yet oddly fascinating material, apparently it is a lifestyle) and one hour of photoshop later:  

Not bad, right?  I went to bed feeling pretty good about my mothering skills.  I couldn't wait for Hudson to wake up to a little bit of childhood innocence and it really did start out well.  He found his "one million dollars" (that kindergarten teacher is really going to love our math skills come August) and  then immediately asked to see the evidence.  Proudly I opened my computer and presented the documentation for his review.  After scrutinizing it for about fifteen long seconds, he looked at me and said, "I don't think so, her doesn't even have shoes on. Where's the video?"  Seriously.  

I guess at Christmas we will wait in line for hours just so Hudson can punch Santa in the face.  

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